Quick Answer
Lead with logistics rather than judgment — ask who services the loan, where the documents are kept, whether the home is in a trust, and who holds power of attorney — because those questions are practical rather than accusatory and they surface the information your family will actually need, without turning the conversation into a referendum on their decision.
- Start with logistics, not opinions. Who is the servicer? Where are the documents?
- Ask whether the home is held in a trust — this matters enormously later.
- Ask who holds durable power of attorney and whether it covers real property.
- Ask to be named as a trusted contact with the servicer.
- Save your opinion about the decision for a separate conversation, if at all.
- If the loan already closed, the decision is done — focus on managing it well.
Key Facts
| Topic | Key Fact |
|---|---|
| Question 1 | Which company services the loan? |
| Question 2 | Where are the closing documents kept? |
| Question 3 | Is the home held in a revocable living trust? |
| Question 4 | Who holds durable power of attorney? |
| Question 5 | Are property taxes and insurance current? |
| Question 6 | May I be named as a trusted contact? |
| Why trust matters | Avoids California probate of nine to eighteen months |
| Tone principle | Logistics are collaborative; opinions are adversarial |
Detailed Explanation
The most common mistake adult children make in this conversation is leading with their opinion. A parent who hears skepticism first becomes defensive, and defensiveness ends the flow of information. Leading with logistics accomplishes the opposite — the questions are practical, they signal that you want to be helpful rather than to litigate the past, and they produce the information your family will actually need when something goes wrong.
Six questions cover most of what matters. Which company services the loan, and do you have their contact information? Where are the closing documents kept? Is the home held in a revocable living trust? Who holds durable power of attorney, and does it specifically cover real property? Are the property taxes and homeowner's insurance current? And may I be named as a trusted contact with the servicer so I receive copies of notices?
The trust question deserves particular attention because it has the largest downstream consequence. A California home held in a revocable living trust passes to the successor trustee immediately at death, with no probate. A home held individually goes through California probate, which commonly takes nine to eighteen months and can exceed the servicer's heir resolution window. If your parents' home is not in a trust and they are willing to consider it, that conversation with an estate attorney is probably the highest-value thing you can prompt.
If the loan has already closed, the decision itself is settled and relitigating it accomplishes nothing except damaging the relationship you will need later. What remains genuinely useful is making sure the loan is managed well — that the taxes and insurance are current, that someone besides your parent sees the servicer mail, that a power of attorney exists, and that the family knows what to do when the time comes. That is a contribution. An argument about whether they should have done it is not.
Jay Zayer, CRMP — 18 Years Experience
The families that handle this well are the ones where the adult child came in asking practical questions instead of leading with what they thought about the decision. I have watched both versions. When a son opens with who is your servicer and where are your documents, the parent relaxes and they get somewhere. When he opens with why did you do this without telling me, the parent shuts down and the family learns nothing useful for another two years. The loan is already done either way. What is still available is doing it right from here.
Who This Is Right For
This may be a good fit if:
- Adult children who have learned their parent has a reverse mortgage and want to be helpful
- Families establishing the practical information they will need later
This may NOT be the right fit if:
- Families where the goal is to relitigate a closed decision — that conversation damages the relationship without changing anything
Common Misconception
Myth: The most important conversation to have is whether the reverse mortgage was a good decision.
Fact: If the loan has closed, that question is settled. The conversations that still matter are practical: who services the loan, where the documents are, whether the home is in a trust, who holds power of attorney, and whether the property charges are current.
Source: CFPB: Family conversations about finances — consumerfinance.gov
Authoritative Sources
- CFPB: Talking with family about finances — consumerfinance.gov
- HUD: HECM servicing and trusted contacts — hud.gov
- California Courts: Probate self-help — courts.ca.gov
People Also Ask
What should I ask my parents about their reverse mortgage?
Who services the loan, where the closing documents are kept, whether the home is in a revocable living trust, who holds durable power of attorney, whether property taxes and insurance are current, and whether you can be named a trusted contact.
Why does it matter if my parents' home is in a trust?
A California home in a revocable living trust passes to the successor trustee immediately with no probate. A home held individually goes through probate, which commonly takes nine to eighteen months and can exceed the reverse mortgage heir resolution window.
What is a trusted contact and how do I become one?
A person the servicer notifies alongside the borrower. It grants no authority over the account but ensures someone else sees critical notices. Your parent submits a trusted contact designation to the servicer.